Toilets

It is sunday and we are at the office after church. Melissa is talking with her parents on the cell phone, and Callan is quietly enjoying a tube of frozen sugary green stuff (japanese equiv. to an otter pop) so I will take a minute to finish my toilet story.

As I was saying, there are few technological marvels in Japan that rival the automatic toilet. Imagine for a moment, if you will, Captain Kirks chair inwhich he sat for seasons on end, exploring the far reaches of outerspace, going where no man has gone before. Now imagine that chair with a flip top seat, and a flush handle and you begin to get a picture of what its like to `go like no american has gone before.`

Of course, the first half of using a japanese electronic toilet is the same as the first half of using an american toilet. Nature has dictated that much, and I dont think even the japanese would mess with that. On a japanese electronic toilet it is the clean up that the Japanese have `improved` on. There is of course the `western option` hanging in a role on the wall, but for the more adventurous, next to the role of toilet paper is a remote control with buttons labeled in perfectly legible japanese, which is of course not a problem as long as you read japanese. Heres a guide for those who need one.

The top button is stop. Its bright pink and is the most important button. If anything goes wrong, hit this button.

The second button is oshiri, or `bottom` this controls a spray of water that hits you in the bottom.

The next button is bidet (I think that is how you spell it.) And it is not for men to use.

The next button controls the pressure of the water,

the button below that controls temperature.

On our toilet there is also a button for `massage,` and finally a button for a blow dryer.


There is also a button for heating the toilet seat in the winter, and an option for large or small flushes depending on your need.

I imagine that with a little practice one might get good enough that one would not feel it necessary to finish up with the `western method` but I am not to that point yet. In fact, I dont even mess with the buttons.

But, just in case you are ever stuck in a jam in a japanese electronic toilet, if you push a button and cant get things to stop, just remember to hit the top button.

Mata ne.